bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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