hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
