The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
