I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
