he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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