some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
