The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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