Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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