when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
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