I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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