Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
