they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we're making bets on your personal life
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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