matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I AM VODKA MAN
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
