i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
