I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
