You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
