Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
