I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Randomize
