I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
