I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
