Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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