Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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