Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
you had me at cake vodka
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Boobs speak an international language.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
