just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
