I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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