VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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