Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
