about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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