You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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