I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
