She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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