there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
