Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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