I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
