Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
