He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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