ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
