Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
