O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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