Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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