i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
