she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize