I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize