I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
