You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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