Porn is love you can see.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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