I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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