Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
