If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Holy sore nipples Batman
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
