It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
