Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize