i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
