All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Randomize
