Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
