I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
