So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
