i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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