I won't be sarcastic... just naked
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
