If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
