I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize