You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
