Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
