Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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