Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
