we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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