WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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