What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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