Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
