Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
