Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Randomize
