then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
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